The Elf Empire

Deep in a radioactive blue jungle lies the oldest standing empire in the world. It exists in a constant state of decay and decadence. Some say it survives because, not in spite, of its rampant political backstabbing and moral decrepitude.

Elves are magical, mischievous, charming, and deeply untrustworthy. Elves love fine food, spirits, clothes, and weapons, but hate work. The empire's greatest artisans, like its snail shell carvers, are pitied more than admired; they have mastered their craft so others don't have to.

The two finest military traditions are the acid knights and the raptor knights. Elves ride dinosaurs, did I neglect to mention that? The oldest magic schools in the world are in the capital, Five Leaves. The most prestigious accept only elves, but others attract students the world over. Elves have enslaved the lowly crab men and treat the lizard men (who held an empire in the same jungle ages ago) as second-class citizens. Slug men are highly valued as bureaucrats and functionaries.

These are the tables I use to run this region of my campaign setting. I fill in any gaps with Yoon-Suin and Cobalt Reach. I hope to make this a sorta-kinda weekly or semiweekly thing until I've finished up the tables for the other 11 regions I've got out there. Enjoy.

Encounters by Terrain Type (d100)

Roll once per day of travel, more if you want. Re-roll after rolling weather events. Rolling over the highest number listed means no encounter.

Encounter	Jungle	Mountain	Water	Wind-sculpted Rock
storm	1-8	1-10	1-9	1-8
mist	9-15	11-20	10-17	9-16
radiation	16	21	18	17-18
earthquake	17	22-24	19	19
jaguar	18-20	25	-	-
python	21-23	-	20-21	-
stegosaur	24-25	-	22-23	20-21
poison frog	26-27	-	24-25	-
gas spore	-	26	26	-
blue knight (cobalt)	28	27	-	22
jelly	29	-	27	-
parasaur	30-31	-	28-29	23
brachiosaur	32-33	-	30-32	24
tyrannosaur	-	-	-	25-27
ankylosaur	-	-	-	28-30
raptor	-	-	-	-
Ferox	-	28	33	31
plesiosaur	-	-	34-35	-
barracuda	-	-	36-37	-
elf palanquin	34	-	38	-
elf hunters	35	29	39	32
elf soldiers	36	30	40	33
elf entertainers	37	-	41	-
lizard men	38	31	42	34
slug men	39	-	43	-
crab men	40	32	44	-
pterodactyl	-	33-35	-	35
triceratops	41	-	45-46	36
elf magi	42	36	47	-
toxic fumes	-	-	-	-

Encounter	Sulfur Pools	Tall Grass	Bismuth Outcropping
storm	1-8	1-8	1-8
mist	9-16	9-16	9-16
radiation	17	17	17-18
earthquake	18	18	19
jaguar	-	19-20	-
python	-	-	-
stegosaur	19-20	21-22	20
poison frog	-	-	-
gas spore	21-23	-	21-22
blue knight (cobalt)	24	-	23
jelly	25	-	24
parasaur	26	-	-
brachiosaur	27	23	-
tyrannosaur	-	-	-
ankylosaur	28	-	25
raptor	-	24-27	26
Ferox	29	-	27
plesiosaur	-	-	-
barracuda	30	-	-
elf palanquin	-	28	-
elf hunters	31	29	28
elf soldiers	32	30	-
elf entertainers	-	31	-
lizard men	33	32	29
slug men	34	33	30
crab men	35	34	31
pterodactyl	-	-	32-33
triceratops	36	35-36	34
elf magi	37	37	35
toxic fumes	38-45	-	-

Treasure/Search the Body (d100)

(Switch up the ones not in bold every so often if you want.)

d100	Treasure
1	Night Wood black candle, darkens room when lit
2	d8 orcish nuclear beast eggs, explode when thrown
3	Primeval Forest moss baby
4	icon of the Twilight Grail, ends one curse or affliction
5	northern whale lamp oil, burns underwater
6	Southern Isles lizard man rum
7	Lotus Straits bathyscope
8	goblin key
9	jeweled marionette from the Reach
10	account of a doomed expedition to the Land of Shadow and Flame
11	Rusted Land clockwork lamp, rubbing grants one very minor wish
12	Voivodjan mince pie
13	elven opium (Yoon-Suin p. 283)
14-63	gold equal to 3x dice roll
64	elven brandy
65	tea (Yoon-Suin p. 287)
66	dinosaur bone statue
67	snail shell armor
68	siver dagger
69	baby pterodactyl
70	t rex tooth mace
71	raptor claw climbing boots
72	crab man pheromone gland
73	vial of acid
74	elven palm wine
75	black iron, burns elves and goblins
76	poached grubs in banana leaf
77	dates
78	vial of frog poison
79	treatise on dinosaur taming
80	minor wand
81	rumor dust, sprinkling over yourself prevents others from remembering you
82	carved alabaster idol of mystra
83	trick deck of cards
84	spellbook, d6 random decipherable spells up to level d6
85	ritual tattoo needles
86	2d20 finely made arrows
87	Codex Jaguar Rakshasa, summons the Jaguar Rakshasa
88	vial of slug man slime
89	elven violin
90	carmine beetle dye
91	dried mango
92	pocket hide canoe, grows in water
93	flailsnail shell armor, reflects spells
94	random scroll, level d8
95	d6 days of water and rations
96	stolen opium pipe, prized possession of a great house
97	dinosaur whistle, drives nearby dinosaurs crazy
98	highest quality silk worms
99	seeds of the strangler vine, grows overnight to smother an area the size of a bed
100	bone of a long-dead wizard, some magic left in it

NPCs (d20)

1. hunter
2. fisher
3. sailor
4. crab man slave
5. distiller/vintner
6. slug man bureaucrat
7. lizard man
8. musician
9. thief
10. priest
11. dinosaur trainer
12. merchant
13. wizard
14. shell carver
15. acid knight
16. raptor knight
17. concord of the moon
18. wizard-guru
19. Tymora cultist
20. imperial family

Wilderness Locations (d10)

1. lake
2. wind-sculpted rock
3. sulfur pools
4. tall grass
5. bismuth outcropping
6. hot springs
7. natural fission reactor
8. tentacle grass
9. lone castle
10. wizard tower

Settlement Locations (d10)

1. seafood shop
2. observatory
3. bazaar
4. brothel
5. tea house
6. opium den
7. fighting pits
8. exotic gardens
9. dinosaur training pens
10. magic school

Dungeons (d8 or place around your map)

1. mountain fortress of Ferox the Incinerator
2. acid knight citadel
3. caves of the raptor knights
4. step well home to a great and terrible oracle
5. den of the tyrannosaur Old One Eye
6. ruins of a long-abandoned elf city (Old City from Yoon-Suin)
7. The New School for Magick, oldest magic college in the empire
8. Lyches Scar, wasteland of a supposedly long-defeated necromancer

Events (d10)

1. Merchants with strange appetites from the Southern Isles arrive to negotiate opium and tea trade.
2. Assassins of the Concord of the Moon plot the demise of important citizens unfaithful to Mystra.
3. The grande dame of a noble house, barely holding her bitterly divided family together, finally dies.
4. The empress's favorite fool is discovered tossed down a well with the note, "Thus drowns wisdom," pinned to the body.
5. Heavily armed collectors enforce a snails tax: d100 gp for each snail shell possessed.
6. Raiders from the Goblin Wood steal elf babies to further their race.
7. A traveling entertainer troupe and menagerie arrives in the city, while reports of nightly murders begin.
8. A magic school hosts a debate between two famous wizard-gurus. Tension mounts between partisans of each.
9. Feast day of a saint of Mystra, complete with dinosaur jousts.
10. The acid knights announce a crusade against the orc barbarians to the east and will pay for advance scouts.

Customs (d8 or choose for particular locations)

1. Beggars are highly regarded, always shown deference on the street and frequently sought for counsel.
2. All business of note is conducted in the tea houses and opium dens, so those who do not partake are excluded from power.
3. Exotic botany is almost a sport for the aristocracy. Collectors will go to any length for rare and unusual specimens from parts unknown.
4. Elves constantly try to trick and cheat one another as a matter of course. Complaining about this is extremely bad form.
5. The moon is considered beautiful and holy, the sun garish and vulgar. Religious ceremonies are held only at night.
6. None but the local nobility is permitted to carry weapons in public.
7. Babies must be marked with a crescent moon in pig's blood on the forehead nightly, or be stolen by goblins.
8. Flailsnails are both worshipped and feared for their ability to reflect spells cast on them. It is forbidden to kill one, but their shells make powerful, magic-defying armor.

Next up: the Great Goblin Wood.

Yoon-Suin, Red & Pleasant Land, and Deep Carbon Observatory Made Me Start a Band

“I was talking to Lou Reed the other day, and he said that the first Velvet Underground record sold only 30,000 copies in its first five years. Yet, that was an enormously important record for so many people. I think everyone who bought one of those 30,000 copies started a band!"

- Brian Eno, 1982

Good bands make you listen; great bands make you play. It takes more than great music, though. There's lots of great music out there that didn't start a movement the same way the Velvet Underground did. There's a raw, ramshackle DIY quality to a Velvet record, especially the first, where they're clearly disregarding the rules in a way that gives it life and invites you in. "You can do this shit too, and you can do it your way."

My way into the OSR was through +Jack McNamee's Rotten Pulp. I'd been away from D&D for over a decade, since early high school. The daily grind of a science PhD coupled with friend/girlfriend interest eventually made me decide to put some make-believe back in my life, so I started looking around and discovered two new editions had been published since the 3rd edition of my youth. 

Fifth edition seemed to clear off the crust of prestige classes and other things that meant your character could be better if you bought more books, which I liked. I also had this idea that I wanted to run some old-fashioned adventure modules, so I was on the lookout for those too. This was around April 2015. I tried to find the original internet path that brought me to Rotten Pulp, but Safari only seems to keep my browsing history for a year (a year ago today, I was searching "mad max iphone 6 case"). I think I was looking for ways to simplify 5th edition character creation and found this post. Maybe.

Before long, I was reading about horror in games, negadungeons, hirelings, random tables, and something called Death Frost Doom. Mostly what I found was someone thinking deeply about this silly game in a way that went well beyond challenge ratings and encounter balance. Down the blogroll rabbit hole I went. 

The sense of wonder and discovery was intoxicating in those heady days when I didn't know what any of this really meant. I bought Yoon-Suin by +David McGrogan within ten minutes of discovering it based on the brief description and +Matthew Adams's art. I thought Zak Smith looked like James Raggi for a long time because Zak had a picture of him holding up A Red & Pleasant Land on the side of his blog.

Over the next few months I read blog after blog and began to incorporate the ideas I found into the campaign I'd begun based on what I remembered of 3rd edition. Yoon-Suin infected the vanilla elven empire that was my game's main setting, twisting it into something much more strange and wonderful. Eventually I added Deep Carbon Observatory by +Patrick Stuart and +Scrap Princess and A Red & Pleasant Land by +Zak Sabbath to my arsenal, and the game world hasn't been the same since.

I've heard the above Eno quote also said about the New York Dolls and the Sex Pistols. In my current game life, the three books I've mentioned are my Velvet Underground, New York Dolls, and Sex Pistols. They informed my sensibilities and eventually made me start this blog. Apologies to the authors if you don't like the bands I'm comparing you to, but it's my blog after all, so tough. Compare yourself to ABBA on your own damn time.

Yoon-Suin is clearly the Velvet Underground - just exchange the heroin for tea and opium and put John Cale's droning viola in the hands of a Hundred Kingdoms fakir. To me, the Velvet Underground were always about a kind of laconic but dangerous beauty. Life comes easy, but so does death and everyone's an addict anyway. That's a pretty good description of the Yellow City. The deep melancholy of Nico's voice evokes the tragedy of beautiful Syr Darya populated by half-men. The hypnotic groove of a song like Sister Ray gives the feeling I want to convey to players traveling in Lamarakh or the Mountains of the Moon.

The lipstick-coated menace and overgrown palace of R&PL just scream the New York Dolls and 70s NYC. There's a thin veneer of glamour to both that masks the violence beneath. The New York Dolls were about saying fuck you to the horror of living amongst decay; R&PL is the same. Both Voivodja and the USA circa 1973 are slow-motion nonsense apocalypses catalyzed by a disconnect from the value of human life. This is almost literal: 1973, in addition to birthing the Dolls, is cited by economists as the year wages stopped tracking productivity and flatlined. Not as bad as everyone turning into vampires, I guess, but at least you can kill the vampires and take their (very nice) stuff. You can't stake late stage capitalism with a misericorde.

DCO is the Sex Pistols for its very British brand of contempt for The Way It's Done. Sure, I'll give you a dungeon, but you'll do it in reverse and oh, you passed the treasure in the mud on the way here. And who guards the cramped tunnels of the observatory? A fucking giant, that's who. I'll see your Saruman the White and Elric of Melniboné and raise you a Snail-Shell Zarathusa. The desperation and grubbiness of the adventure recall basement shows in abandoned houses - Carrowmore barely holding it together, the dying turbine golems (representing the now-silent factories of England, eh Patrick? Eh?), the showdown between the Kapeks and the Reed People amongst the filth of their dry lake. Scrap Princess's rip-it-up-and-start-again frenetic energy is the perfect complement. Hell, Hoolloch by Frosen even looks like Sid Vicious.

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